The Auction

The courage plucked to take first step,
Wi' tear on cheek and bag in 'and,
She Breaks a threshold in her life,
Now woke from dream whilst under knife.

The day were cold wi' windys frosty,
"Heaven knows how much they’ve cost me."
Thought the lass "In feelin's costly,
Lord, I'm glad to 'av 'em off me."

Inspecting with an expert eye
The Valuer held the thing up high;
And peering through the strange preserve,
He judged the Lass for what she were.

He saw "She'd seen more troubled times
than one as nice as her deserved."
"I must admit girl you've got nerve,
It be a pleasure Miss to serve."

Hailing them "The perfect gift,
You'd might as well make money Miss;
Nowt I've come across can top it,
from the sale you'll no doubt profit."

"In sympathy, Its value Ma’am,
Would barely make a Cock's reserve-"
That moment humour touched them both.
In secret both minds turned to love.

"Moving to your other Items."
By this time she'd caught his fancy,
"Nothing here is quite as chancy."
Risking face she begged "Romance me,

By The Auction Room in t' queue,
an Item, Vendor, known by few;
Looked lastly at her balls from far,
"Wi' prick an' all", in plain glass jar.

In no set way was entrance gained
To watchers poor or punters flush.
For some, a jostle and a strain.
All in, the house became a crush.

Inside house, the room was packed,
The seller, missed not what she lacked,
She stood and stared in stunned relief,
That viewed by most Beyond Belief.

It sat on t' shelf in pride o' place,
In "Dead posh" presentation case,
A pretty bow tied round its lid.
Her nickname for it: "Hissing Syd".

It came complete with semen sample,
A quantity that should be ample.
Puzzling her though was 'It's' size-
Much smaller than she recognised.

Humour came when bidding started,
One man in the crowd had farted,
Stating of it "he were proud",
And how "That one weren't very loud".

An odour strong hung thick and queer,
unpleasant while it lingered there,
"Will someone get him out of here!
And leave door open t' help it clear."

O'er the room fell calm again,
"I think we'll start the bidding then,
Will anybody bid me Ten?
Oh come now, need I ask again?"

From rear of hall a timid voice,
Was heard to penetrate the noise,
"What can I do for you then Sir?"
"I'll bid thee Ten for t' parts of her."

Like precious stones or coats of fur,
some interest raised the odd murmur,
The jewels that once belonged to her,
Had caused the Auction room to stir.

When asked if Ten New Pound be plenty,
From the front came bid of Twenty!
Now the mood in room grew haughty,
"Beggar that!, I'll give you Forty!"

A shoddy looking gent felt thrifty,
"What the heck I offer Fifty!"
Then a Suit with nervous laugh,
who stood on chair said "I not 'alf!"

Then spoke out one who were bent,
"That'll never pay the rent."
At silent pause he felt he'd blundered..
..Man in top hat bids a Hundred.

Then a woman on her own,
Caused the top hat man to groan
"Two Ton Sir, come- no need to moan,
a second bid would change that tone."

"Two it is then. Have I three?"
The Auctioneer said, mind on fee,
"Two it is then, going soon...
" People looked around the room.

"Going.. going.. go.." "Hold on!
a bidder on the phone has one,
The offer now's a hundred Grand,
to take this treasured prize in hand."

After gasps came from the floor,
The auctioneer quizzed "Any more?",
No one spoke, "Who'd be so bold?"
said Auctioneer... "Well then, It's sold."

By The Auction Room in t' queue,
An Item vendor, known by few,
Her happy future overdue
Looked up as partner met her view.

Although they were not married yet,
Her tender glance so kindly met,
At last, was easily enough
to prove their freindship and their love.

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